i need a break...
i neeeed a break..
before everything comes down..

My mum only becomes my mum when she keeps her mouth shut.
Only then i'll appreciate her.

But when she opens her mouth. It's just ridiculous.

The problem comes when.
Proposed project planning.
For 2 years.
Done it in 6months with 3 other business models picked up at the same time.

The Feeling, of when you realized why you are so tired, and exhusted, after finding out, i never ate a single meal since saturday afternoon.
The maggie mee feels soooo good.

Im surprised myself...
Im so focused into business, that i forgotten to eat.

Setting things straight.
Setting things right..
Dont lose track.

A Path i took, with no returning route.
A Choice i took, that cant backtrack.
A Decision i took, that only I took.

To decide not to go to taiwan for a holiday with yyn and greg.
Was the 2nd hardest decision i had to make...

Not only because its a holiday...

To them...
Its a holiday...
To them...
Its to relax...
To them...
Its 7 days...

Its not that short...
But its not that long either..

During this period of time...
There would be certain sacrifices i had to make..

Most of alll.
There was a deadline...
And the deadline so happens with a majority vote...
And it so happens to be on the 23rd of august...

Why couldnt we make the decisions together ?
And we must have seperated chat groups on this ??

At the end of the day...
It all relates back to this..

"Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago."

A week have past..
The first cycle of reservice came and just went just like that..

It's been a year...
So fast... running out of time..

Gotta pick yourself up, as there's no one gonna do it.

Do you believe in fate ?
Do you believe in horoscope ?

I do now.
On the way back today..
I was going to pickup my iMac from esther.
Her shop wasnt open, so i checked around, found her with her friends sitting at the coffee shop.
So i walked up and say, So you are here ar !

Then i decided to join them chitchat.

They were talking about  guessing my age, then guess their age...
So i told her 32 ?
One was 27, 29, and esther of course 40+ hahas
They said about, cannot guess too old, or girls will unhappy.
Cannot guess too low also, if not girls will also unhappy...

Hahas, then they suddenly told me, am i a capricorn ?
Then they ask for my birthdate.

One of them told me, detailedly descripted how am i.
It was a total spot on target...
I never believed so hard on this, but was a total spot on.

They seems to be like a fortune telling, also stating i would have relationship issues..
Then they asked, if my girlfriend horoscope.
I said aquarius...
Then they say nope...
They asked, her mother is what...
So i quickly checked facebook, and hey guess what...
Taurus...\

I didnt say anything, and anything...
Everything was precisely spotted on.

It was like... fortune telling in terms of life.
Then i asked... what if i "de zui" dao taurus woman ?
They asked a few more questions...

And finally said, Taurus Earth, is her mum.
She said the exact situation of what happened 3 years back, when i came to your house.
For a meetup with your mother...
I couldnt believe what i was hearing...
It was all fated to be...

She also told me a solution..
Either you do it, or you break it.
Therefore, i have decided, 100% fully decided, comfirmed plus chop.
I will fight one more time..
One more time..


Side note, she explained to me my personality...
Im a Capricorn Earth.
"Foot Step on the ground" translate in chinese, is what am i.
My Birth date, time and year, can be calculated into stubborn, determined x 3 times.
Much more than normal capricorn earth.

Also said that, capricorn will always have helping hands.
To guide your road, to lead.
Capricorn Earth focuses on Status & Money.
Taurus Earth focuses on Money.

To guide your road, always there will be helping hand.
Because people knows you are reliable, as well as abit blur.
Therefore people actually trusts you.
But there are also certain cases where, capricorn also able to do something that no one will imagine that a capricorn will do such a thing.

I roughly remember these only...

Taurus Earth focuses on Money...
Which is LSY's mother.
As a Taurus Mother, as a mother..
Her mind is simple, rich enough to be able to take her daughter.

One bad point she mentioned about taurus as well.
During conversations, she will be patience.
But in her heart, she will count "Mistake 1", "Mistake 2", "Mistake 3"
Once she flares up, she will keep using these mistakes to shoot you back.

And she must hear what she wants to hear, if not totally gone.
Conversation over, just shut up and you lost.

So how now Joel ?
guess gimme some time to think...

If im going to ask your parents to come out anytime soon...
I must be prepared, i guess i will focus on Money, as well as responsibility.

I hope luck will help me.

Capricorn Earth Monkey.... 3 Words to descript me so well....
Goggle it up, you will see it.

If an idea.. can make lots of people lose their earning power.
their profits.
their salary
their family.
their status
and could even make some bankrupt.

would you still do it ?

that is a question i would be deciding in the next month....

although....
my parents say that im stupid...
my mum ....
my dad....
my sister....
lsy....
her parents...

even though everyone feels that i have no hope...
there is only 1 sentence... which always crosses my brain.
i believe in you.. i trust you... guess from who ?
from lsy...

though now she might think otherwise..
but, if it wasnt for her.
i wouldnt have come this far...
if it wasnt for the arrogance and existance of myself...
i wouldnt have come this far...

1 entire industry might fall.
The question is...

Should i or should i not ?
i forsee 2 possibilities.

Should i not ? - The business will last till i die.
Should i ? - the business is for sale, the purpose of the business would be for sale of idea...

last but not least...
at the end of the day...
how would i propose to lsy...
how would i clear things up with her parents...

all these might seem totally different in topic...
but it actually linked...

One simple rule if you work with me.

I wouldnt hold your hand can guide you.

I wouldnt work at your pace...
If you can catch up, so be it.
If you cant ? im afraid i gotta let you go.


Why ?
I only got 6 months left...

I just want to make you feel proud.
My very first presentation of what i can provide.
What i came up with.
Something very different from the industries and my competitiers.

Im your son.
I want you to feel proud of me.
Something that im passionate about.
With my interest and drive.

I dont want to hear your sarcasm.
I dont want you pour your whole bucket of cold water over me.
I want to be acknowledged...

I know lsy wouldnt do this to me....
She would support me!!

I planned this entire 6 weeks.
To do up nicely.
Properly.
Planned. Discussed.
Testimonals from my clients.
From top to bottom.
With anderson coming down too.

This network of people is my family..

I gotta grow faster.
Gotta be more fast.
I want her to know and her friends.
I want her to say, Hey!
Joel Shee is my son !
My son !!!
My fucking son..
My fucking.... son

Busy night.
Gst registering.
BNI presentation slides.
BNI visitor day presentation.
Icv write up for client.
Short summary of company for distributors.

Gonna get these done soon

Happy Birthday !!

To the one and only special person...

It's been a year.

Truely a year...

I remembered how thick my steps were...

I remembered how i collerborated with gina..

I remembered everything.

Till the moment i sang the birthday song to you this very night.

Last year, this time...

I hope you would have a fun and hectic year ahead.

Hope to hear more from you.

And hope business will be overflowing with schedules fully packed.

It be a super scary and hectic year for me.

Hope to hear more from you.

As i hear my fun and exciting times in my years ahead.

On a networking topic...
It's too true to be real.
What people thinks im capable of.

Or is it ?
Im really capable of ?

Not just 1, but 20plus people....
Im beginning to feel... worried...

We i have a chance.
I would love to go back in time, and be serious with my life.
Both life, career, family and the one and only lsy.

But....
Since i cant do that, i just have to deal with it.
I will still fight for her...
In the given time and opportune time and maturity of myself.
Responsibility given to me, and my friends who gave me their trust.
Into each and every aspect of their life and career.

I will not fail.

Only then, i will have the courage and commitment and responsible enough to get her back.
With the courage and all of my heart.
I will face her parents once more.

I will not fail.

For the past 21 years of my life.
I can honestly say, i do not have a new year resolution.
Or even if i do, i wouldnt keep them.

Simply put, still immature.

For the past 21 years, i never really thought about what i had to do.
what i wanted to do.
except for a few times.

First was, after my psle results.
2nd was after my secondary school results.
3rd was nearing the break of the ite. where i almost got out from ite before grad.
4th was the break up with her before enlistment.
5th was the break up with her again after taiwan.
6th was the break up before finishing of national service.

i hope i have the time and patience to write what really happened to me.
Throughout these 6th major changes in my life so far.

First Changes -
I began to look out for my strengths.
Became super steel hearted. After the primary 5 incident with desmond.
Father fainted... Mother disappointed...

2nd changes -
I love lsy... I love to dance, even though i kept it a secret, maybe cause
First ? Girlish ?
2nd ? Unable to earn anything from it.
I began to look out for my strengths which could be money-tised.
Skills set that could be used to earn for a living.
I became even more fucked up.

I asked God. Show me the path.
I told him the truth, I know im made for something.
Show me.
I know you made me love her for a reason.
I wish to be with her for life.
But, there must be food on the table as well.
Got love, no food also useless.

Even though i was young then, i already thought about the future with her. 

Even since i made him show me the path.

Everything i do, everything i show to her.

Everything just messes up.

Nothing could go right. 

I knew that was the path.

But i loved her so bad, i do not wish to let go. 

3rd changes -
Became more outgoing. More thick skinned.
Realized my potential if i really put my time and effort into things.
Turned off after...
As nothing could be interesting enough for me to really open up my brain.
As things became so boring with me doing all the things that people cant do.
I know im different from others this point in time. But im just... too lazy.

As a producer, i learned full responsibility.
When she broke up with me, she actually told me i didnt have any responsbility.
I was really broken.

4th changes -
Wondered what i really did wrong.
Learned my mistakes and changed for the better during my 5th.
I knew i wanted to go for enlistment that year.
I knew studying wasnt for me.
I knew, i need to work something out fast.
I knew, i dont like to work for people.

Everything i do right, Everything i earn. My medals, my commitment, my strengths.
My achievements, i want to show her !
Prove to her !

But everything just seemed so wrong.

5th changes -
I became more opened to other people's opinions and suggestions.
I learned to be more helpful, less selfish.
Teamwork.

6th Changes-
There is one thing i didnt tell LSY when we patched up.
My feelings towards her, changed differently.
I told anderson about this.
That 8months she didnt contacted me, really broke me apart.

After we broke up, i didnt waste time, feeling dispair, i properbly made the biggest mistake in trusting a partner for business.
Why ?

Before all these, during national service.
I actually put in a group of people for business.
Melvin, Yong Nan and Stephen.
After 2 meetings, we concluded with Phone Applications.
Honestly, i know it will work.
But someone's a problem. i didnt carry on.

I knew that i work best alone.

Everything just seemed so wrong.

Now ?
It's close to a year.
Made a mistake with partnership.
Got rid of.
Within the last 3 months, officially.
So much changes.
2015 is gonna be a crazy year for me.

It's been 10months already.
Unlike the last time, i really felt like moving on.
As time goes, the more i liked her.
As time goes more, the more i loved her.
As time grew longer, the more i think of her.
As the time grew longer, the more i feel her.

The sadness, sweetness. responsbility, jealousy, commitment.
Everyone told me to move on, but the first thing is i whack them.

I will stop writing soon, I cant express everything out in words.
No longer in words.

As for last year, i tried a few times.
To get you back.
Valentine's day, her mother's birthday (bad bad move, almost killed myself)
Gina's birthday (totally missed everything)
Holloween Makeup @ Singapore Art musuem, (totally missed her by 30minutes)

This year, i will try even harder.

Therefore, i conclude everything with my New Year's resolution.
1. Get LSY !!!!!
2. Approver from her parents!
3. Approver from her best friends !
(Three Pronged approach)
4. E-commas, out by June2015.
Market it by end of year.
(Start of next generation idea)
5. I always wanted to make a short film based on true story.
Romance, the scenes and set in already in my mind.
I hope to finish the script and idea-ing this year round.

Everywhere i go, everywhere i think.
Business, business, business.
Nothing else.
I can say im totally changed 360*

As for LSY ?
Even more crazy over her.
As time goes by, the more assuring and assurance of my love to her.

Few important months this year based on events.
Feb - Her birthday, Valentine's day, as well as last month of rental and Plan B Commences?
June - e-commas, collaboration with new partner ?
Work flow and change in business line.
End of year 2015 ? -
Prep for Yong Nan, Jx and Greg come out of NS.
More man-power for me and my business.
Can take in far more projects than current myself.
One man show.